Filthy Beautiful Forever Read online

  Collins choses that exact moment to look up and meet my eyes. His look smolders as his gaze drops from my eyes to my mouth. He’s thinking about the kiss too.

  “I had fun with you in the water, Mia,” Collins says pulling me back into the present. His voice is slow and sensuous. “I haven’t done anything like that in a long time.” His eyes sparkle, and he smiles unevenly. My stomach flips as my body reacts to his words.

  I lean forward on my elbows and the desire for him, for all of this, rears its head. His eyes flash on mine, and for a second, he’s wondering if I’m going to out him, and our water activities. “I don’t know how you could spend every Sunday out here and not go swimming,” I say, sweetly.

  His eyes soften and I can tell he’s relieved. It feels so good to see him happy.

  After lunch, Collins tells me to make myself at home before he takes his leave to go get a bit of work done.

  I barely consider tanning with Tatianna. I don’t want to be the other woman, but I don’t really want to be her bestie either. Besides, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well last night, strange bed and all, and since he told me to make myself at home, I will find a nice place to take a nap.

  I go inside in search of one of the many bedrooms.

  He described this as a smaller yacht, but to me it’s huge. I turn a corner expecting to find the bedrooms, but walk right into the kitchen where I find several of the staff sitting around making their own sandwiches for lunch. I’m about to apologize and turn around when I notice that they have roast beef.

  “Excuse me,” I say, eyeing the roast beef. “Would you guys mind if I made myself a sandwich?”

  They shrug and nod, so I step in further and help myself to bread, open the fridge to see what sort of fixings they have.

  When I finish making the sandwich I halve it and put it on a plate, and head out up to the indoor seating area where I know Collins is working. I find him at his computer, deeply engaged, so much so that I’m able to set the sandwich next to him and rush out just as he looks up to see it.

  “Hey,” he hollers at me.

  I turn at the door. “Sorry. I couldn’t stand the thought of you working on an empty stomach.”

  He meets my eyes with a meaningful look. “Thank you.” I don't know if he's thanking me for that kiss, or for not saying anything to Tatianna, or for the sandwich.

  “You're welcome.”

  I watch with satisfaction as he takes a huge bite. “You know what I like.” I'm pretty sure he’s talking about the sandwich at the moment, but I can’t help blushing.

  I nod and smile. Then head back down to find a nice place for a nap.

  Chapter Seven

  Collins

  I'm sitting up in bed with my laptop perched beside me, when Tatianna crawls into my lap.

  “I'm going to be gone for the next few nights,” she whispers, bringing her mouth to my neck.

  “Where's the shoot this time?” I ask, peering around her head to finish typing the email I'm trying to send.

  “In Utah,” she says. “I'm modeling a fall line for Calvin Klein.”

  I always find it interesting how they plan a season ahead. She does swimwear work in the dead of winter for the following spring, and in the summertime, she models winter coats.

  “Do you want me to take you to the airport on my way to work in the morning?” I ask.

  She chuckles. “No. That's not why I brought up my trip. I'm going to be gone for the next couple of nights.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. “I want some.” Her hand reaches lower and she grabs onto my package, giving him a gentle squeeze. I'm soft, but she doesn't seem to care.

  She brings her lips to mine, and I kiss them, dutifully, but something about it feels off.

  “Not tonight,” I tell her. There is no way I'd feel right being intimate with Tatianna knowing that Mia is right down the hall. “I'm tired, and I have a few more things to finish yet.”

  “Why are you so stressed out, babe?” she asks, pressing her fingers to my temples and lightly rubbing.

  “Mm, that feels nice.” I close my eyes and enjoy the relaxing sensation. She continues lightly rubbing, moving her hands into my hair and massaging my scalp.

  I feel Tatianna's lips against mine again and her pelvis press into me. “Come on, Collins, I want to have sex,” she breathes against my mouth. Her lips are stiff and practiced. I don't know why I would just now notice that after three years of dating her.

  I can't help but recall the feeling of hot Mia's mouth against mine. Her lips were full and lush and moved so easily with mine. I remember her suntanned curves, the freckles across the bridge of her nose, and the water droplets clinging to her dark eyelashes just before I took her mouth. Her tongue was shy at first, but when I deepened the kiss, she licked against my tongue and then sucked it into her mouth with a soft tug. My cock hardens at the memory.

  “That's it, babe,” Tatianna says encouraging, rubbing herself against my erection.

  Fuck. I'm hard, but it's not for Tatianna.

  I remove her from my lap and rise from the bed. “I'm not feeling well tonight.” Why am I lying to her?

  “What's going on, Collins?” Her eyes narrow on mine and they're full of confusion. I know she's remembering the last time we had sex I couldn’t even orgasm. For which I still have no answer, because Mia wasn't even here at that point.

  Mia.

  A fresh wave of memories flood my brain. The way her tight nipples felt against my chest, the way her generous ass felt in my palms as I held her in the water…

  I adjust my erection and head into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

  Placing both palms flat against the travertine counter, I stare straight ahead into the mirror. What in the fuck is going on with me? Dark blue eyes stare back at me, looking lost and uncertain. Everything in my life is so exact and calculating, I'm at a loss about what's happening to me. Am I sick? Dying? I take several deep breaths and force myself to relax. I pace the large bathroom, walking from one end to the other while I try to clear my head.

  Earlier, out in the cold water, when I'd kissed Mia's soft lips, the promise we'd made to each other came rushing back. We haven't talked seriously about that childhood promise, but shit, maybe we need to. There is obviously unsettled business between us, but the idea of marriage is insane. We were ten years old for fuck's sake. You can't decide who you're going to spend the rest of your life with in fifth grade. I don't even know if I want to get married. I haven't ever given the concept much thought. Maybe it's time I do, that way I can explain to Mia why it was a silly childhood fantasy, and why it can never happen. She will have to see reason.

  I sink down onto the edge of the marble tub and push my hands into my hair. Christ, when did my life get so complicated? I have a woman who I've lived with for three years now, who I share my bed with, who fits into my carefully crafted plans. Then I have a woman who knows me, the real me, behind all the CEO corporate bullshit. She has completely upheaved my life in the space of 48 hours. She's warm and giving, and I feel lighter in her presence. She’s fun and easy-going, nothing like Tatianna. Maybe her being here will prove to be a good thing. Get me to lighten up a little.

  When I reenter the bedroom, Tatianna is curled onto her side, sound asleep. I pull back the blankets on my side of the bed and crawl in beside her. I should wake her and apologize, but instead, I let her sleep and grab my phone from the bedside table.

  Before I even have time to process what I'm doing, I text Mia.

  I had fun with you today.

  Me too.

  Her reply is almost instant. It makes me wonder if she's lying in bed just down the hall thinking of me, a thought that makes me happy.

  I'm contemplating what to write next when another text from her comes through.

  Why are you texting me when you're in bed with a supermodel?

  Maybe being in bed with a supermodel isn't all it's cracked up to be.

  You shouldn’t talk that way about your GIRLF
RIEND.

  It doesn’t escape my notice that the word girlfriend is in all caps.

  I know. I'm sorry, I'm being a dick.

  She doesn't reply. I wait several minutes, wondering what's going on inside her head. I wonder if she's thinks I'm a piece of shit for kissing her today when I'm with someone else.

  I wonder how long this is going to last—me and Tatianna. I can already feel myself pulling away from her. The only thing that scares me about ending things with Tatianna is the realization that then I'd have to face my future with Mia. Am I ready for that? Do I want a future with Mia?

  Finally, I decide to text Mia again.

  Do you forgive me?

  I do… But Collins, about that marriage promise we made…

  My stomach sinks. I tap out a hasty reply.

  Let's not talk about that yet.

  Okay.

  Chapter Eight

  Mia

  Sunday’s yacht outing was confusing to say the least.

  He named his boat Gremlin. A name he used to call me with so much affection. Then, he kissed me in the water. And he was so eager, so hungry for it. He’d held me so close. And he was so hard. Just remembering the heat and his growl as I pressed my core against him makes me clench my sex. I can’t help but think how good it would feel to have the length of him fill me.

  But then he pushed me away. He wants to stay with Tatianna. If I know anything about Collins, it’s that he gets whatever he wants. There is no use trying to sway him. He chose her, and it’s time for me to find peace with that and move on.

  Crap.

  The following morning, Tatianna catches her flight and Collins heads into work, leaving me alone in the huge house.

  I spend the next couple of days applying for more jobs. Tightening up my resume, making spreadsheets of job openings, and systematically searching out the best opportunities. I know the economy is still weak, but I have unlimited free time to look for a job, and I can’t stand the thought of living off Collins forever. It’s either fly home in defeat, or actually try to make a go of this fresh start I so desperately need.

  I’ve applied for ten jobs, and have leads on another ten. I’ve also driven myself nuts hitting the refresh button on my email in the hopes that I will have a job offer, or at least an interview. But that afternoon brings some relief. Collins must feel bad for leaving me alone at his house because he sends his brothers’ significant others, Sophie and Kylie, over to take me out and show me around. Normally I would be weary of being setup on a blind playdate, but I am desperate to get out of the house.

  I am more than a little anxious about meeting Sophie and Kylie.

  No matter how many times I tell myself I’m moving on and have no chance with Collins, it still feels like I’m about to meet “the family,” and I find myself wanting them to like me in the worst way.

  I’ve heard enough about how well off Colton and Pace are, and I’m terrified they’ve hooked up with the stereotypical high-society women—the kind that stare down their nose at you. On the other side, I’m also a little worried that they might be more boring than Tatianna.

  My fears about them are dashed immediately. Although Sophie is young, she’s an absolute charm and a half. Kylie is closer to my age, and I envy her for what a strong woman she is and instantly hope we will be good friends.

  We go to a bar where, even though I know I can’t afford it, I down my first cocktail in an effort to calm my nerves. I’m about to order a second when I see the prices on their drink menu. I try to hide my shock as I discreetly pull open my wallet and count how much I have left.

  “Don’t worry, this afternoon is on Collins,” Kylie says. “We were instructed to not let you pay for anything.” She smiles at me.

  “I insist,” I say, because even though it’s more than I can afford, I don’t want to be a burden to Collins.

  Sophie laughs and waves me off. “We aren’t really used to all the money they throw around, either. Neither of us came from money. Colton always tells me I don’t need to worry about money; I don’t need to ask before I buy things. But it still feels weird, you know?”

  I nod. I don’t know exactly, since I have hardly any money myself, but I get what she means. “The wealth around these guys is insane,” I say. “I always knew Collins was smart, and driven, but it’s still really crazy to see how well they’ve done for themselves.”

  “What brings you to LA?” Kylie asks.

  “I lost my job,” I say. Telling them about the marriage promise seems too private. I like them, but I’ve only just met them. I take a sip of my cocktail, hoping it will give me the strength to tell this story again. There’s no good spin for getting fired. Even if it wasn’t my fault, it’s still humiliating. “I found myself with no money and nowhere to go. So I guess you could say I came here for a fresh start.”

  Kylie’s brow furrows. Oh dear, I can tell I’ve said something she doesn’t like. Fear rushes through me.

  She shakes her head. “So, what? You saw your old buddy, Collins, on the list of the wealthiest Americans, and decide to come here and live off him?”

  Nervous laughter makes vodka lemonade nearly shoot out my nose. Shit, that burns. My eyes tear from the sting. “Oh my god, no. It’s all a bit more embarrassing, and...” I shrink and blush, “...maybe a bit crazier than that.” I take another fortifying sip of my drink.

  Sophie and Kylie share a questioning look, then lean in and wait for me to explain.

  I’m mortified at the thought of telling these two why I am really here. Seriously, I’m such a romantic dork. Why am I here? Oh, because my best friend and I made a promise to each other that if we were both single when we turned thirty, we'd marry each other… Yeah, that sounds too crazy. Why the heck had I come? Because when I hit rock bottom, I wanted to be with the one person who made me feel like I was worth something.

  By the way they look at me, I can tell they’ll never trust or accept me if I don’t tell them the sad truth.

  I take a deep breath and tell them my story. The one about a ten-year-old girl who was head over heels in love with her best friend, Collins. I tell them about the moment in my room when he jabbed me in the arm with his finger and said he wanted to marry me. I stare at my hands the whole time and feel my palms sweat as I tell the story I haven’t told anyone in such a long time.

  When I finish, I look up and their eyes are softer and their smiles lighter. I can see right away that telling them was the right thing. And it’s relieving to tell them. I’m desperate to hear their reactions.

  “Awe,” Sophie sighs. “That’s right, you’ve known the guys forever. What were they like?”

  Kylie folds her arms in front of her and leans in more. “Yeah, what were the boys like growing up?”

  I think back. For me it was always all about Collins, but I know they’re asking about Colton and Pace. “They’ve always been obnoxious together. Three brothers growing up in one house, there’s bound to be a lot of rowdiness. Some days I’d come over to play with Collins and, the house would be shaking from the roughhousing. It was definitely something to experience.” I smile thinking back to one time in particular. “Once Colton and Pace were wrestling, and they almost tumbled right into me. Collins saw it as it happened, and rushed over and threw himself between me and the rough and tumble mass of his younger brothers. My hero.” I blush as I realize I’ve said the last part out loud. But their smiles haven’t faded and their curious looks beg me to tell more.

  “Sometimes, when they weren’t roughhousing,” I continue, “they did this thing they called a laugh-off, trying to tell the best jokes, make the best funny faces. Whatever they could do to make each other laugh so hard they couldn’t breathe.”

  Sophie holds out her hand. “Wait, you mean Colton and Pace right? Collins would never goof off like that.”

  “What do you mean?” I give Sophie a sideways glance. “He was usually the instigator. When Pace and Colton were small, Collins loved to chase them around making silly fac
es with threats of tickling. He was out of control.” As I say this, I think of the Collins I knew when I was younger. He loved to pretend like he was serious, but when his silly side came out, that was when he truly shined. Sometimes he would make me laugh so hard I’d almost pee.

  I try to imagine Collins doing that now. It’s harder to see, although when we were playing on the boat yesterday, that sparkle had been there in his eyes. For a while he’d laughed out loud, fully enjoying himself like I recall from all my best memories.

  Sophie smiles and looks around, like she’s got a secret. “Mia, I don’t know that I was supposed to share this with you, but Colton says Collins is in love with you.”

  My face must show the shock I feel from her words because she adds, “He says it like a joke, but I can tell there’s some truth to what he’s saying.” She winks.

  Kylie waves her hand and chimes in, “You are so much better for him than Tatianna. I mean, she’s nice, but you actually care about him.” She crosses her arms and leans back. “I can see it in your eyes when you talk about him.”

  I try super hard not to internalize what they’ve just said, but it’s nearly impossible. That he could possibly feel the same way I feel about him, and has all these years, would be so wonderful. But I know this is just the romantic in me grasping at whatever thread I can, to hold onto my happily ever after—my fairytale ending.

  As the sun begins its descent towards the ocean, Kylie announces that it’s time for them to drop me off. She’s got to get home.

  And it hits me. I don’t have a home. As she drives me back to Collins’ house, I begin to wonder what the heck I’m still doing here. Collins made his decision. He’s staying with Tatianna. I shouldn’t stay. I could move back home and live on Leila’s couch while I look for a job.