Hard to Love Read online

Page 5

 

  “At least a little part of you was curious. You wouldn’t have shown up otherwise. ” He touched my shoulder, his thumb brushing along the exposed flesh next to the strap of my dress.

  My eyes shut briefly at the intensity in his caress, and I uselessly opened and closed my mouth, unable to respond. Heck yeah, I was curious. I was curious what his stubble-covered jaw would feel like against my skin and what his full mouth would feel like covering mine.

  He dropped his hand, seemingly unaware of the panty-melting effect he was having on me. “Just so you know, I wasn’t trying to embarrass you, or take advantage. I was trying to preserve some of your dignity. Your one friend was practically auctioning you off, and your other friend was ready to whip out his dick and take you right there. You should be thanking me. ”

  Thanking him? Yeah, right. But I guess it had put him in an awkward situation, too. “Well, I only came here to tell you never mind. That I wasn’t interested. ”

  “Really? That’s why you drove all the way over here?” One of his eyebrows quirked upward in disbelief.

  My cheeks reddened. I supposed curiosity had more than a little to do with it… Well, that, and I’d have done just about anything to get away from my mother’s afternoon shopping plans for us.

  “We both know there’s more to it than that. A small part of you wants this, but I can be patient. I’ve got all the time in the world. ”

  He was right that I did want it, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. His cockiness was now really beginning to get on my nerves. “Get over yourself. It’ll be a cold day in hell when I come asking you for sex. ”

  He laughed at my sudden outburst, the sound full and throaty. “Whatever you say, cupcake. ” He glanced back at the house where I knew his sister was waiting for him.

  Hearing him mention about helping her with her stretches sent my mind tumbling in the direction of nursing school, and trying to remember what I knew about issues with the spine. “Does she go to physical therapy?”

  “Not anymore. I couldn’t afford to keep it up, so I had the therapist teach me the exercises I could do with her at home. ”

  “Oh. ” I seemed to keep saying that, increasingly finding myself at a loss for words. Over the past few minutes he’d transformed from an ultra-sexy, bad-for-you porn star into a loving, caring human being. He clearly loved his sister and worried over her condition. I didn’t know what to do with this new information. “I have to go. Besides, you have a PB and J to make. ” I held my face impassive, trying like hell not to let him see just how confused I was becoming.

  “Yeah, okay. ” He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his forearms flexing with movement, a smug smile still on his lips.

  I turned and headed for my car, his chuckle grating over my skin for what I assumed was the last time. How wrong I was.

  Chapter 5

  Cade

  I stalked inside to find Lily planted in front of the TV, happily watching her ‘toons. I headed back to the kitchen to fix her snack. As I smeared peanut butter on the bread, I shook my head in disbelief over the realization that Alexa had actually shown up. And I strongly doubted it was to tell me off, like she’d implied. I could read the curiosity on her face as clear as day.

  I could also tell she was too prim and proper to let herself act on her unbidden desires. I knew her type—diamond-studded earrings, an expensive watch, and too-high expectations. Girls like that didn’t go for guys like me. No, they wanted some douche bag named Scott who was well-mannered and sat behind a desk all day, doing fuck knows what, but pulling in a nice fat paycheck every week.

  She had the face of an angel. I hadn’t been able to resist brushing my fingers past her skin to see if she felt as soft as she looked. And when her eyes fluttered closed at my touch, my cock jerked in my jeans. I was twenty-two, not fifteen, but damn if my dick knew it.

  *****

  “Mollie’s here. You’re going to fucking love her,” Rick assured me.

  A tall, thin girl entered the room. She was built for sin, dressed in a black garter belt, stockings, black lace bra and sky-high heels. Long red hair cascaded over her shoulders and down her back.

  “Sebastian?” she asked as she approached.

  “Nice to meet you. ” I offered her my hand. I couldn’t believe I was actually going through with it. But I had to—for my own stubborn male pride, not to mention the money.

  She looked wryly at my proffered hand and stepped in closer, separating any distance between us and patted my naked chest. “Oh, you are fucking gorgeous, honey. This is going to be fun. ”

  I chuckled as a wave of shyness crested through me. I didn’t even know this girl’s real name—assuming it wasn’t Mollie—and I was about to fuck her. But I figured it wasn’t much different than the few times I’d taken girls home from the bar without even knowing their last names. Maybe it felt different because I was sober. Oh, and because there was a room full of people watching us.

  “Rick told me it’s your first time on film. Don’t worry about trying too hard. Just have fun. And I won’t get off with all these people watching me, so don’t worry about that. It’ll still feel good to me, so just do your thing. Okay?”

  I nodded. “You got it. ” I liked her already. From what I’d seen, she was going to be easy to work with.

  Rick’s production company prided itself on exploring the intimate side of sex, rather than being typical hard-core porn. In this scene, we were lovers who’d been separated for a long time. I was arriving home from a business trip to find her waiting for me in lingerie. I was now dressed in dress slacks, a shirt and tie to complete the scene. We began at the front door, where the film crew captured a few initial scenes of us kissing.

  Once we’d filmed that brief scene, we moved to the bedroom, with full-on lights and sound crew. Cameras were stationed around the room, all pointing directly at the bed.

  Rick busied himself with the crew making sure everything was set the way he wanted it and then came back to stand in front of me and Mollie. “We’re set to start rolling, so you two going ahead and get started when you’re ready. We’re just here to capture your lovemaking as it happens. So let it be natural,” he told us.

  I heard the telltale click of the camera recording and I moved toward Mollie, then hesitated and glanced down at my pants and the absence of any bulge. Not again. The fucker had better cooperate this time.

  Noticing my scowl, Mollie followed my gaze. Without a word, she reached down and began rubbing me over the material of my slacks. “Sh. No need to be nervous,” she said softly. “Just relax. This is my job. ” She leaned in to kiss me and I felt myself relax. And even better, I felt my dick stir to life. I kissed her back, adding some tongue until we were enthusiastically making out and the line between work and pleasure was definitely being crossed.

  I moved her to the bed, unhooking her bra and tugging down her panties as we kissed.

  And a few moments later, I was sinking inside her, all the standard foreplay I typically excelled at rendered unnecessary. Mollie rode me like the goddamn pro that she was, tossing her hair back and gripping my thighs as she lifted herself up and down on my cock.

  I kept my eyes trained on her, needing to stay in the scene and not look at the crew who were glued to our performance. The strangeness of the whole situation ensured I wasn’t going to blow too soon, something I’d been a little worried about.

  My mind drifted unconsciously to Alexa and the way she looked in that little sundress. Her sweet innocence coupled with that feisty mouth of hers left me both turned on and confused. But I knew if I channeled my desire for Alexa into this performance, I would lose it. I opened my eyes and refocused on the girl in front of me.

  Mollie moaned and gasped out high-pitched screeches that sounded incredibly fake. I was typically quiet during sex, preferring to hear the sounds of pleasure from the girl I was with, but her fake-sounding, over-the-top moans were grating on my nerves
. Her screams built louder and I knew she was faking her orgasm. When her screams quieted to soft cries, her fake climax complete, all without any of the pleasure of feeling her pussy pulse around me, I pulled out and rolled her onto her stomach so I could fuck her from behind and finish this in relative peace.

  Chapter 6

  Alexa

  Over the next several days, I couldn’t get Cade out of my head no matter how hard I tried. It didn’t help that I’d visited the porn website several times after finding he now had a video clip posted. I’d watched it numerous times, studying the ways his hands explored the girl’s body, and the rocking motion of his hips thrusting inside her, and the expressions of pleasure on his chiseled features. Each time I’d felt so dirty afterwards I’d had to scrub myself pink in the shower and bring some relief to my throbbing sexual need, all the while promising myself I wouldn’t watch it again.

  Remembering his gentle nature with his sister made me feel even worse about using him for my viewing pleasure. Yet I still couldn’t keep my promise to myself about not watching the video. It was becoming a nightly routine, and had begun haunting my dreams. He still only had the one video clip, and I’d watched it so many times I now had it memorized. After realizing how silent Cade was, I watched it on mute from then on, not wanting to ruin it by listening to the girl’s annoying screams.

  In the days that followed, my thoughts drifted repeatedly to Cade’s sweet little sister and the fierce determination that burned in her eyes. It broke my heart to realize they couldn’t afford physical therapy, and I inadvertently found myself visiting the physical therapy wing to ask a few questions of the therapist. It turned out that the severity of Lily’s impairment could range from minor and not requiring much ongoing care, to severe, requiring lifelong physical therapy to help with flexibility and discomfort.

  I didn’t know which his sister had, but I had a pretty good notion that it was of the more serious nature, since she couldn’t walk unassisted. I’d watched as the therapist worked with another child on one of those giant exercise balls and an idea planted itself firmly in my mind.

  *****

  “Are you insane?” MacKenzie thrust the third paper cup of vending-machine coffee of the night at me. It was how we stayed awake and alert on the midnight shift.

  I accepted the cup and dumped in a hefty dose of sugar, knowing the beverage needed it to make it drinkable. “So says the woman who thought sleeping with him was a good idea. That would have been insane. I’m just talking about going to see him again. I can’t stop thinking about that little girl, Kenz. And about how maybe I could help. ”

  She shook her head. “Is this like the time you went to drop off groceries to the homeless people under the bridge and nearly got abducted, or the time you volunteered at the animal shelter and almost got eaten by that pit bull?”

  “No,” I grumbled. “This is nothing like that. I just want to drop by, check on them—I mean her—and see how I can help. He said he couldn’t afford her physical therapy, Kenz. She deserves better. ”

  “News flash, you’re not a physical therapist. You’re a nursing student, Alexa. ”

  I tried a sip of the coffee, needing to get the caffeine in my system before my ten-minute break was over. Damn, still too hot. “Close enough. I’ll have to do. That is, if he’ll even accept the help. ”

  “And this has nothing to do with seeing Cade again?” She cocked an eyebrow up at me suspiciously.

  I focused on my coffee, stirring in another spoonful of sugar just for good measure.

  “Because all that crap about sleeping with him? I was kidding, babe. You’re sweet and beautiful. You deserve someone freakin’ amazeballs. Not some animal who sells his body for money. ”

  “Amazeballs?” I questioned, looking up from my coffee.

  “Ah-maze-balls,” she confirmed with a straight face.

  I giggled at her. “I’ve got to get back to work. Just trust me on this one, okay?” I downed a scalding gulp of the coffee and threw the cup in the trash on my way into the hall.

  “It’s your vagina!” she called after me, her voice carrying out into the hallway.

  I cringed as the doctor passing by me perked up at the V word being shouted in our direction.

  *****

  Maybe this was a stupid idea. After sleeping late, I’d showered and dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a simple black tank top, and then after making a stop at a sporting-goods store, I was currently parked in front of Cade’s house once again.

  I’d shown up the same time as before, thinking he’d be here to meet his sister off the bus again, but his pickup truck wasn’t in the driveway.

  I grabbed the exercise ball and pump from the backseat and made my way to house.

  Moments later, an attractive girl answered the door. She looked to be around my age, maybe a year or two younger, and she was pretty with long blonde hair that hung down her back and wide-set gray eyes. My stomach dropped. Was this Cade’s girlfriend?

  Shit. Did porn stars have girlfriends? That would require a lot of trust. I mean, geez, he slept with other women for a living.

  “Can I help you?”

  I stood there for a second, still thrown off by this girl’s appearance and the question of her relationship with Cade, until I realized I hadn’t answered her yet. “Is Cade home?”

  She shook her head. “He’s working. Who are you?”

  I swallowed down a lump in my throat. “I’m Alexa, a…friend of his. And I brought this,” I held up the exercise ball, “for Lily. I’m a nurse. ” Almost. Friend? Nurse? Geez, the lies were just spewing from my mouth.

  “Oh. Okay. ” She opened the door wider. “Lily will be home in a few minutes. You can come in and wait. I’m Becca, by the way. ”

  I followed her in the house, wondering what in the world I was doing and who the heck Becca was.